SO, WHAT AM I DOING TODAY.
i am pacing around my parents' house listening to (shinichi atobe, sonic youth, super.variegated) and waiting for my sex products to arrive.
- yes, that's PRODUCT(s) with an S.
- hah, i'm just being cheeky. it's two of the same product.
- and that product,
- is lubricant
HEY MAX WHY DON'T YOU SHUT UP ABOUT THAT
eeyeah, i'm way ahead of you! but, since this is my personal blog, it's good to include a few squicky, gatekeeping personal details on here every now and then. we can't have the faint-of-heart listening in!
see, i'm being silly again. sometimes i write or say things without being certain that i actually mean them. -> heck, did i even mean that? the world may never know.
right now i'm listening to my least favorite track on BUTTERFLY EFFECT, Waste Land 1.
- i glanced at an interesting comparison as i searched for a quick youtube link to the record--this album really is sort of like a housetechno prog-rock type odyssey. that's a very cool way to think about it. i'm always looking for ways of thinking about this record that make the less palatable parts easier to swallow, because i consider it a 10/10 with nagging qualities.
- now, i am less nagged by the atmospheric muddle that (one could argue) halts the forward momentum of the record in its midsection. i think it's dope now! i love you, mr. atobe!
BEING AWAY FROM MY PARENTS' HOUSE FOR A FEW DAYS
was quite good. now i'm thinking less unproductively about my creative roadblocks. i feel like a capable person with a perspective that creates worthwhile work. and so on and so forth
the concept of the "audio journal" (at least as a daily practice) harshed my mellow a bit. i don't think it's extraordinarily healthy to create out of obligation, especially for a (real, or imagined) audience. first and foremost, these exercises should be consented to by the exercisee.
all this to say (by the way--is that above paragraph coherent, in your opinion? do you know what i'm trying to say there? i'm unsure.) that i will be doing that kind of stuff when i am interested in doing it.
in general, i will try to do things when i want to do them, and i will also make an effort to control my environment and mental wellbeing such that i am consistently wanting to do the things that i most believe i show worth and aptitude in (MUSIC! and sometimes creative writing. oogh, i haven't written a story in months.)
but, lack of inspiration is not a bad thing. it's a necessary part of the cycle. and the way to move through it that i find most comfortable right now, is to, just, take a break!
oh, lordy. will i ever be able to express myself without being a self-important weasel? unlikely.
free association spitball thinking like this is, hopefully, healthy. like i said, i'm not equipped to evaluate whether or not any of the verbal diarrhea up there is coherent or not. that is up to You, and to Me of the Future. good luck, chosen ones!
SO MAX HOW HAS YOUR DAY BEEN
- oh, useless!
- i did my laundry (good).
- i made myself a DALGONA COFFEE, with lots of full-fat cream in it (BAD decision.) felt sick from the cream and overdose of caffeine made me want to go bury myself in a hole. i paced around my parents' house and listened to A THOUSAND LEAVES and wished very badly that i could take a nap and make it all go away. ee-yuck! i think i'll do it again tomorrow.
- i wasted a lot of time looking at dumb youtube cooking videos, and also got mad at the concept of terri thaemlitz (i get annoyed at the concept of terri thaemlitz a lot, but i usually cool down once i see him speak or actually read his writing or something. she is, if nothing else, lucid and self-assured, which is difficult to hate directly. why do i get annoyed at the concept of terri thaemlitz? aargh, i don't want to say. let's move on. i think it's a me problem, not a she problem.)
- last night, i tried to make a cover for the LP i am sitting on that i firmly believe is a 10/10 and an AOTY candidate. i suck at making covers, kind of. i've been able to make some basic, passable ones (see results over in the "music" tab) but i don't have the actual skill with which to execute a concept from head to graphic. as with my music, i go off in a direction i find interesting rather than trying to stick onto the path i set out. works for some pursuits, not for others!
- tonight, i will try and take a PHOTO for my cover with the digital camera i have and a ladder i snuck out of the garage. wish me luck!
i think weekend updates work a little better for blogging, because things are actually happening in my life and i'm actually interested in talking about them because i haven't been ground down by the ol' 9-5. perhaps that will be my M.O. going forward!
we'll see. anyways.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,